The Essence of my LIFE.

My life, my soul, my very essence is in turmoil. Most days I hide the pain and fear and anger well but I am always tormented, struggling and deeply depressed in how my life is going. I feel great overwhelming and very destructive despair and depression always threatening to consume me. It makes me feel worthless and begin to start believing life is not worth living. It is becomes on constant battle to find reason to keep going and to try to fight this battle of life. There are very few that can sooth my soul and give me reason to go on for one more minute or more day and one more week but always chasing and perusing me close at my heels is that despair and pain seeking to consume what little of myself I still have. I try to hide from it and run from it and overcome it. I can win small battles but small is all they are and each time I push it back from me. It comes crashing back down on me even harder laughing and gloating reminding me that I am losing. It seeks to not only destroy my life but to make me suffer every single day with out end. It doesn't tire or give up but only continues so long as I am breathing. Each day the struggle gets harder and my willpower being drained little by little. I try to hold on it but it is like water threw your fingers. How long before I run dry? How long before I simply give up? How much more until I completely lose control and become the evil that is threatening to consume me?

I don't know where to run or to hide to escape and fear that I may never win this battle to continue. I only know that I will lose if I do not find that secret weapon to overcome this pain.