Wild Rides

Most people would consider roller coasters fun. The speed, the shaking, the twists, turns, up and downs, and the heart pounding fun from it. When that roller coaster is Life though; Well that changes the fun and thrill of the ride. People enjoy having a nice smooth ride and not have unexpected pit falls. They like when the ride goes up but don't care for the downs. That is how my life feels sometimes. I feel like a roller coaster that has been spiraling downward, faster and faster for what seems endlessly, even worse it is through a dark tunnel and I rarely see the light at the end. Since the wicked witch a.k.a my ex wife left me torn and my life shattered that is how my life has seemed. I lost a lot of my passion for life and become lost and confused. I was desperately seeking something to fill that void. I never really found anything that helped too much. One day though I meet someone although it was online.

The thing about cyberspace is you can be anyone you want because it what seems to be the truth can be altered so easily. You can show only the part that you see. This can be done face to face to an extent and it is done but online it becomes so much simpler except to the most observant of people.

Back on subject though. As time went on I got even more desperate and lost more faith. I even questioned life it self sometimes. I wondered if it was really worth all the pain. Eventually I found someone who brought a faint light back into my world. The tiniest sliver of hope was realized once more and passion and ambition was seeping slowly back. I have always tried to be helpful regardless of how I felt and I always try to do what I can to help out those I feel have been treated unjustly but I am still a human and I make mistakes. Sometimes life just comes in and beats you down again to remind you that your really not in control. That tends to happen more then I would like sometimes and it usually means that I cut off people from even having a chance to talk to me. What can I say when your jaded like me, then it is extremely hard to trust people sometimes. I have neglected this blog recently but there are a lot of things I have neglected lately and I am trying to correct that failure. I have made mistakes and I hope to fix those as well. It wont be easy but it must be done. There is someone I greatly admire for being there for me even when I didn't make it easy. They have shared pain and heart ache with me and I had been scared to open up and let them in at times. They usually break through in time and help me to see what I have done wrong. I am sorry that I can be so difficult sometimes but such is who I am and not easily changed. I am truly thankful to have known them and sorry if I have ever caused them pain or sadness because of me.

I hope to start keeping this blog more up to date whether anyone reads or not I feel it is important that I use it to remind in the very least myself of how far I have come from a very dark place where I had dark clouds hanging above me daily.